by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on May 5, 2010 · 9 comments
. . . In the corner of my cell where I type sitting on an empty bucket, my head is just six inches from the barred cell window. The window doesn’t open – a fact that I deeply resent – but there is a little security grate with a knob that opens a small section of the grate for a little – very little – air. As I sat here early yesterday morning thinking of a title, I heard something unusual through the open grate. It was a song, and it came from a red-breasted robin perched atop the spirals of razor wire on the twenty-foot wall that has been my view of the outside world for sixteen years. I watched the robin for a long time, and listened as he sang. It instantly made me think of . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on April 14, 2010 · 9 comments
. . . Perhaps NBC sensed the line of decency was breached a few weeks ago when it apologized to The Catholic League and the world for a scandalous and libelous smear against Pope Benedict XVI on its affiliate news channel, MSNBC. We owe a debt of gratitude to Bill Donohue and The Catholic League for not letting this one pass. It is also no coincidence that the lurid stories of priestly sex abuse and papal complicity rose to a frenzy in the U.S. in the same weeks that tax-payer funded abortion was being argued in the Obama health care bill. Writer and art historian Elizabeth Lev made this same point in a brilliant essay on PoliticsDaily.com entitled “In Defense of Catholic Clergy (Or Do We Want Another Reign of Terror?)” Ms. Lev cited English statesman, Edmund Burke’s 1790 commentary on Catholic witch hunts during the French Revolution: “What would Edmund Burke make of the headlines of the past few weeks …? In 1790, Burke answered … ‘It is not with much credulity I listen to any when they speak evil of those they are going to plunder.’ What would he think of the insistent attempt to tie [a] sexual abuser to the Roman pontiff himself through the most tenuous of links … as the present sales of Church property to pay settlements swell the coffers of contingent-fee lawyers and real estate speculators …?” . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on March 9, 2010 · 2 comments
Just a quick announcement to let you know that The Catholic League mentioned These Stone Walls in this month’s Catalyst. Please follow this link to access:
. . . Remember when I wrote last week that I don’t swear unless I’m quoting someone? I’m not exactly sure who I was quoting, but out it came! Ninety-nine percent of every day in here is so filled with noise that I can’t hear myself think. It was just my luck that my single moment of foul outburst occurred during the sole moment of silence of the entire day in this cavernous place. Over the next hour, I heard a litany of “Fifty cents!” “Fifty cents!” as prisoners came by to gloat. My confessor is planning a visit next week. Good timing! Father Fred is retired in New York City, and drives ten hours round trip every couple of months to touch base with me and hear of my flaws. Fred has been driving up here for over fifteen years. He spends most of his time in retirement writing to priests in prison. I hate losing patience, but it’s what I seem to do best. I’m trying hard not to add to the list between now and Fred’s visit. The Sacrament of Reconciliation has always been painful and humbling for me, but very necessary. For that reason I have always been sympathetic to how painful and humbling it is for others, and always tried to make it less so. . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on February 17, 2010 · 13 comments
. . . I am not at all spared anxiety in prison, and the place where it most manifests itself is in dreams. I have very vivid dreams since I have been in prison, and they have not abated over the years. I have two recurring dreams that are haunting and clear displays of my own anxiety. They make some nights more… well … Lenten than others. I have had each of them in one form or another many, many times.
In one of the dreams, I am about to celebrate Mass in a church. As I begin the Mass, the people in the congregation become hostile. They brandish newspapers and begin to shout as I start the Eucharistic Prayer. Sometimes they are just a crowd of silent, angry, condemning eyes. Sometimes they stand en masse and turn their backs on me. Every version is painful, but I must proceed with the Mass. When the time comes, no one will take the Body of Christ from my hands. . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on February 10, 2010 · 12 comments
. . . Many of the younger prisoners are just lost. There’s a clear correlation between their presence here and the systemic breakdown of family – especially fatherhood – in our culture. There is an alarming number of young prisoners here who have had either abusive fathers or none at all. There is a direct and demonstrable correlation between the breakdown of family and the marked increase in prisoners in our society. . . . Anyone who is not alarmed by this statistic doesn’t understand the relationship between religious values, family life, crime, and the abandonment of young people to wander east of Eden. Among young men now in the New Hampshire prison system, the recidivism rate is a staggering 57 percent. . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on February 3, 2010 · 11 comments
. . . When I was growing up North of Boston, I spent as little time as possible indoors. I climbed every tree I could find. My friends and I spent a lot of time in trees – something Freud, or maybe Darwin, might read into. There was a huge elm on our block. When I was ten, I loved to climb high into it above the traffic of the street, find my favorite perch, and read for hours. Every now and then my mother would wail out a window, “IF YOU FALL OUT OF THAT TREE AND BREAK YOUR LEG, DON’T COME RUNNING TO ME!!” As a ten-year-old, I envisioned myself a consumer of only the finest literature, much of which I read in trees. My favorite was a series of paperbacks about a quasi-superhero, “Doc Savage, the Man of Bronze,” and his team of dedicated crime fighters. I traveled all over the world with Doc and his crew. I was part of the team, and could always foresee the danger lurking ahead. . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on January 27, 2010 · 9 comments
. . . On August 26th, I posted “Postcards from the Edges.” It wasn’t exactly a masterpiece of western literature. Nonetheless, I thought it was a good post that addressed a timely topic: news media bias. It was barely noticed, and received few comments. Six weeks later on October 7th, I posted “To the Readers of These Stone Walls.” I didn’t think it was very interesting, but it generated more comments than any post before it, and was linked on a number of other blogs. Readers seemed interested in how These Stone Walls came into being, and in the obstacles we face. . . . A number of readers have posted comments and sent messages with pointed questions about prison, possible appeals, my weekly Mass, etc. I’d like to respond to some of them here. Some are direct questions from readers, and some are composites of questions asked by several readers. . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on January 13, 2010 · 15 comments
. . . Last month, a Massachusetts high school teacher was exonerated after facing a nearly identical plight. A 14-year-old student accused him of sexual assault. Months later, his life in near ruins, the teacher was exonerated at trial when it was learned that the girl made up the story because the teacher had reprimanded her in class. Here in prison, men often joke about how easy it is to set someone up in this way. Some have openly asked me for the names of priests who might have been present in their childhood communities so they can bring an accusation for money. (See “Sex Abuse and Signs of Fraud.”).
A few months ago, a self-described member of Voice of the Faithful wrote a scathing message to me. The writer, a retired teacher, declared that any effort to revisit the case against me is “nothing but a misguided right-wing conspiracy.”
The man’s criticism was responded to by a friend who asked him what makes him feel so immune in an arena in which anyone can be accused by anyone, from decades ago, and with no evidence whatsoever. His blustering response was, “I have absolutely no fear of EVER being accused of such a thing.” Well, neither did Michael Gallagher. Neither did I until it happened. . . .
by Fr. Gordon J. MacRae on December 29, 2009 · 17 comments
. . . My final post of 2009 is a day earlier than my usual Wednesday posting day. I think you will see why as you read it. It was written for Priests in Crisis. I think it is the most important post of the year. . . . As we prepare to begin a new year, I will offer Mass on the solemnity of Mary, Mother of God for the readers of These Stone Walls. Thank you for your presence here, your support and encouragement, and most especially for the gift of your prayers and prayerful witness. . . .
