When I was in prison, you visited me. You did so by your visits to These Stone Walls and by your comments left here. I cannot thank you enough for these. In prison, hope is a precious commodity, difficult to find and easily eroded. Your visits and comments are a source of hope and encouragement that I have found very meaningful. I can only say “Thank You.”
Recently, I obtained the great honor of celebrating weekly Mass in my prison cell. Sometime soon, I will write about, the struggle to bring this about. At Mass, I like to use the First Eucharistic Prayer – the Roman Canon – the most beautiful and ancient of the Canons of the Mass. It affords an opportunity to pray for people by name. I pray there for the readers of These Stone Walls, and I keep a list of those who left comments so I can pray for each of you by name.
I thank you for understanding the limits placed upon our blog by my imprisonment. It is an irony that I have never actually even seen These Stone Walls. Most of you are accustomed to instant on-line communications, but that is simply not possible for me. Prisoners here have no access whatsoever to the Internet or email.
There is likely no other Catholic blog that has to overcome the challenges and obstacles we face. I post to These Stone Walls every Wednesday. My posts are typed in my cell on an aging Smith-Corona typewriter. The prison will not permit a newer machine or a word processor.
After being typed, my posts are mailed to Charlene Duline in Indianapolis (see “Drinking from the Saucer”) who scans them. Charlene then emails them to Suzanne who posts them at These Stone Walls for me. Suzanne also manages the Priests in Crisis blog site.
In reverse order, Suzanne emails your comments and messages to Charlene who prints and mails them to me or reads them to me by telephone. Calls from prison are billed to my commissary account at the rate of 15 cents per minute. This is all a tedious and low-tech way to manage a blog, but with the help of Suzanne and Charlene the obstacles of prison are overcome.
These Stone Walls is unique. We know of no other blog site in existence that belongs to an imprisoned priest. I owe Suzanne and Charlene a great debt of thanks. As I wrote in “From Crisis to Hope,” I would be silenced without them.
Many have asked me what they can do to help a priest who is wrongly imprisoned for fifteen years. The most practical help you can give is to send a link to These Stone Walls to your contacts and to other Catholic blogs, and ask them to recommend it in turn.
It is time for the Church to hear another side of the story of accused and vilified priests. Many of your posted comments have convinced me that Catholics see through the ongoing monetary demands and rampant vilification of accused priests, and are concerned about justice and due process in these decades-old claims of abuse. Some of you have thanked me for opening your eyes to this.
The truth is, no one can spend fifteen years in prison for a crime that never took place, and not find the capacity for trust to be seriously eroded. It is I who must thank YOU for opening MY eyes. I now see that our Church still has many people for whom justice and mercy are a daily practice. As a priest, I am moved and humbled by the depth of your faith and your openness to grace.
There is hope. In coming months, I will have news for you about a new effort for a legal review and appeal of my unjust trial. Please stay tuned.
THE NARROW GATE
I want to call your attention this week to , “Pornchai’s Path to the Narrow Gate,” a new article by author Ryan Anthony MacDonald. It can be found under “Commentary” here at These Stone Walls.
If you have been reading These Stone Walls, then you know of Pornchai – my friend and a fellow prisoner – who will soon be received into our Faith. “Pornchai’s Story” was published last year by The Catholic League, and can be found under “Commentary” here at These Stone Walls as well.
Is there anyone in your life for whom you have lost hope for redemption? If so, you should read “Pornchai’s Story” and Ryan’s post.
Just this week, These Stone Walls marked 2,500 visitors in just two and a half months of existence. Thank you, my friends. I offer each Friday – the Day of the Cross – in prison as a share in the suffering of Christ for the readers of These Stone Walls, and for your intentions.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
Pornchai, my roommate, does not like this photo of me. He says it doesn’t look like me because I didn’t have my reading glasses on, and they’re usually perched at the end of my nose. I took them off because I couldn’t see the photographer with them on. I had two taken that day, and the other one was hideous. I had more chins than the San Francisco telephone book. When I first got this haircut, Pornchai was concerned that King Kong may mistake me for a roll-on deodorant. THAT was a scary thought.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Have offered my Mass for your intentions, and will continue to remember you in my prayers. I feel sure that your sufferings will help to save many souls.
Dear Gordon,
Another Christmas and here we are. You, again, are inspiring me to continue to struggle. You, again have given me comforting words. You are a BLESSING and I thank you for entering my life those many years ago.
I think I would not have recognized you from your picture but I still see the strong Scottish look. You ARE stronger!
Thannk you for your prayers and, as always, you have mine.
Love to you,
Jacquie
Dear Fr. MacRae:
I looked at your picture and you look just fine to me… Kind and gentle, but I must say I saw in your eyes a profound sadness. I hope this remark doesn’t make you unhappy because it isn’t intended for that purpose.
Your certainly are turning a terrible thing into something beautiful and pleasing to God.
May your Masses sustain you in peace and harmony. Only those who walk in your foot steps can relate to the heavy burden placed on your shoulders.
I just finished reading the little blog on “Hey Jude” and I say “All you Need is Love”.
May God hold you in the palm of His Hand,
Rochelle Dennis
Thanks Fr. for the great article. Thanks mostly for remembering me in your Masses. I had hoped and prayed that you would be able to celebrate holy Mass. What a gift! And you are remembered by me in all the Masses I attend as well. I look forward to more and more good news from you.
As I read of the antiquated ways by which your articles finally reach us on this internet site, I was inspired once again that all things are possible with God. He simply cannot be denied. He is with you Fr. McRae, as He is with us all.
May the good and loving and merciful ways of God be told and retold again and again.
God bless you, and thanks for your prayers for me. I sure do need them.
We are rejoicing that you are able to say Mass on a regular basis.
Praise God!!! We sang praise and worship at our meeting today.
Intercessors of the Lamb, Mary Morning Star group,Howell, MI.
Pat, Claudette, Sandy, Nancy, Dorothy, Dolores, Jill, Tina and
JoAnn.
Hi Father,
Now I know how you get this done. What a wonderful flock you have helping you. What a wonderful shepherd you are.
I am forwarding this site to my friends and I’m so happy to see an updated photo of you. I don’t think you look like a roll-on stick at all. However, I had a black man tell me once that white men who had shaven heads looked like big thumbs to him!
I laugh when I think of that. I personally think bald is beautiful. (My dad was mostly bald and just clipped the rest off. I never passed up a chance to kiss the top of his head.)
You are in my prayers every day. Kathy Maxwell
Prayers for you and all priests, not just priests imprisoned in walls. God help you and be with you. Mary and the holy angels guide you and sustain you. The love of Christ fill your every need.
Aloha Father:
Please be assured of my daily prayers for you and all our priests, especially those falsely accused.
God bless,
Esther
Dear Fr Macrae
Your sense of humour and your stength never cease to amaze me. You are truely a remarkable man. Thank you for posting your photo now I know what you look like. It’s nice to put a face to the name. I would love to visit you when I come across the pond next year to see my American cousins. I pray for you daily Fr and you are always in my thoughts.
with much love and respect from England
Father, I believe I’m somewhat local to you, if you are in NH. I would like to visit you. I’ll go through your archives to see if I can determine where you are…
Oh, Father- thank you so much for posting the picture of yourself! Now I have a face to go with my prayers! Please be assured that all of us here keep you in our constant prayers for justice and mercy. And thank you for also keeping us in yours!
I am so happy that you could celebrate the Mass- for a priest to not be able to say the Mass- what a tragedy- for all of us… you make the Lord present to us…
I look forward to every word from you, Fr- and thank you and God bless to Charlene and Suzanne for all their hard work.
Father:
You are in my prayers. My heart goes out to you in your imprisonment. All priests especially, but also teachers and others who work with young people are at risk of false charges as some unscrupulous lawyers and others are going after the money, or want to “get even” with a priest or teacher for some perceived or real slight. This is not to excuse those who actually did commit crimes, but to recognize that great injustices have occurred. Keep up your hope!
Father MacRae,
I’ve only recently discovered and began to read your postings. As a Catholic and former prisoner myself, I can appreciate very well the conditions of your confinement and the frustration with so many limitations that people on the outside can hardly conceive.
I am very thankful for the people that make it possible for your commentary and inspiring posts to reach the light of day. I have no idea the full circumstances surrounding your incarceration (must read further, I suppose), but I thank God for you and look forward to reading what you manage to publish. Please keep up your important work.
The Church must come to terms with its present circumstance and cease trying so hard to conform itself to the expectations of the world. Only a fool wouldn’t realize how much Satan is enjoying the extreme rigidity with which the Church has responded to the “scandal”.
Satan had his way with the unfortunate victims of real abuse, and now he’s having his way through the reaction to the scandal–it’s a twofer! I have been told, for instance, by vocations directors all over the country that I can never be considered for the priesthood because I have a criminal record.
When I press the issue, all I hear is “Dallas Charter”. I’ve read the Dallas Charter. There’s nothing in it barring felons from becoming priests. So, either the Church is presently led by a whole host of lying priests (God forbid it), or these sons of Mary simply have no idea what they are talking about.
May God bless you with His peace and presence every moment.
Fr., please know that I am praying for you and all falsely accused priests.
Father,
The fact that this blog exists is proof to me that God wants your message to be heard. Thanks to your two “angels” who do the leg work.
As I was reading your post as well as Julie’s comment, the prayer – the Anima Christi began to seem to recite itself in my head, so trust it has been prayed for you.
What a blessing that you were able to celebrate Mass, may you be able to do so more often.
I will keep your appeals process and Pornchai’s coming into the faith in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing your sense of humor with us in your posts. I will continue to remember you in my Holy Hour for priests on Thursdays.
Thanks too for posting the photo- it’s nice to have a face to go with the name.
God Bless!
I can only echo Julie’s comments; your courage and perseverance are an inspiration. It is so wonderful to think of Pornchai being received into the Church.
Dear Fr. MacRae,
Please don’t ever lose your sense of humor or your sense of reality (which go hand in hand!)
I wish I could do more for you. If you were local to me, I’d be happy to visit you, but here, can do so only in spirit.
I am so overjoyed that you are able to celebrate Mass; this was a question I had and you’ve just answered it. But I ask…why so restricted? Why won’t they let you offer Mass every day, considering it is your faith, our faith, and something most priests I know do every day even if they don’t have a public Mass?
Yet, what a gift. Even that, what a gift, and thank you for your prayers.
If you’re familiar with Fr. Ciszek, he risked his life to offer Mass, had stuff smuggled into him.
Are you familiar with his life? I will pray to him for his intercession for you. In case you need it, here is a prayer of Surrender from his teachings which I often pray and hand out when I can (it’s a prayer I desperately need myself)
**PRAYER OF SURRENDER
Lord Jesus Christ, I ask the grace to accept the sadness in my heart, as your will for me, in this moment. I offer it up, in union with your sufferings, for those who are in deepest need of your redeeming grace. I surrender myself to your Father’s will and I ask you to help me to move on to the next task that you have set for me.
Spirit of Christ, help me to enter into a deeper union with you. Lead me away from dwelling on the hurt I feel:
to thoughts of charity for those who need my love
to thoughts of compassion for those who need my care, and to thoughts of giving to those who need my help.
As I give myself to you, help me to provide for the salvation of those who come to me in need.
May I find my healing in this giving.
May I always accept God’s will.
May I find my true self by living for others in a spirit of sacrifice and suffering.
May I die more fully to myself, and live more fully in you.
As I seek to surrender to the Father’s will, may I come to trust that he will do everything for me. ***
(With Ecclesiastical Approval
adapted from the spiritual teachings of Rev. Walter J. Ciszek, SJ.)
Again, Father, thank you for your prayers for us as we pray for you as well. I wish I could offer some real comfort. I can’t. I have nothing to offer, but will continue to pray for you, and have to say that I hope one day to meet you. Only God can orchestrate that….I submit to His Will.
God bless you.