The letter came this week from a woman in the UK. A playwright, she had been researching the play, “Doubt” when she Googled, “Accused Priests” and came upon our website. She had lots of comments in her friendly letter, but in the end she wanted to know only one thing:
“Are you mistreated there? I would hate to think you are mistreated.”
As I read her letter, my cell mate, Pornchai, was studying for a Catholic Distance University exam. I looked up and said, “This nice lady in the UK wants to know if I’m ever mistreated.” He didn’t even look up from his book when he said, spontaneously, “Does she mean by us or by priests?”
I was stunned by the irony of his question. When I didn’t answer, he looked at me. I expected sarcasm in his eyes, but there was none. He thought it was a good question.
On Pentecost, I wrote a post for the excellent blog, Priests in Crisis entitled “Kill the Priest!” It garnered quite a lot of attention. In my post I described the relentless, horrifying chant that greeted me as I was led for the first time into a cell block here nearly 15 years ago. It was a rough beginning. The sum total of what the chanting prisoners knew, or thought they knew, came from local newspaper accounts.
Most prisoners no longer want to see me dead, and the few who may still do more or less keep it to themselves. Prisoners can be cruelly and unilaterally judgmental and condemning, but no one here has a stone to throw at me.
A few months ago, I wrote a note to a priest in my Diocese. We were never assigned together, but he preceded me at one or two parishes, and we always had a cordial, respectful relationship. I don’t really know what made me want to reach out to him. I hear from few priests – very few – and that troubles me.
The priest’s reply came within days. My cell mate handed me the nice envelope with a sketch of a stone church proudly proclaiming Our Lady of Fatima Parish. Pornchai said, “I think you got a letter from a priest!” He wonders why I hear from so few. So do I. When I pulled the letter out, my heart just sank – far lower than I had first thought. Pornchai did not see the letter. I didn’t want him to. It contained only one sentence. You can read it for yourself in an essay by Ryan Anthony MacDonald, To Azazel: The Gospel of Mercy and the Diocese of Manchester.
When I read the priest’s single sentence, I put his letter away. Pornchai knew instantly that a stone had flown out of the crowd and struck me hurtfully. But it wasn’t thrown from a crowd of prisoners. It was from my brother priest – a man who proclaims the Gospel. Pornchai took one look at me, shook his head, and left the cell to give me some privacy in my grief.
After feeling hurt, I felt angry – which is where hurt usually goes eventually. I got over it, but my greatest sorrow is that Pornchai now wonders who is the greater threat to me: prisoners or priests. The irony is more than I can bear. Please pray for the priest who wrote me that letter. He does not know how much he needs your prayers.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Dear Friends of accused priests,
Today I will tell you how X the Chancellor of my Diocese has managed my case in a “topsy turvy” way. Spare a few minutes to scan my comment and the readers will detect a lot of funny things that may help the Bishops revise the Dallas Charter.
In a letter dated Feb 3, 2007, he said, “In compliance with the June 2002 United States Conference of Catholic Bishops Charter (sic), ” Bishop Y” has delegated me to suspend you (sic) and remove your faculties etc…
One day later, he sent an e-mail dated Feb 4, to “Z” the Chancellor of the Diocese from which the accusation comes. It said, “Thank you for a copy of your letter to Fr Kiem, dated Feb 3, 2009… ” (A fiction! no letter has been sent to me!)
Tell Y (the accuser) to make a detailed written statement of his recollection of events that would be appreciated (sic) and enable “us” (?) to go forward and present information to “our” (?) Review Board …(I guess my Chancellor has beside him an eager adviser)
The letter continued, “Y has not yet contacted me about choosing a psychological counselor. Has he done so with you?”
E-mail sent from X to Z dated Feb 5, ” the accuser’s name S1 is confusing, it should be S2. More information would be important”.
E-mail from Z to X dated Feb 5 ” Attached is a “revised and updated letter” that suspends Fr Kiem of the Diocese of …from ministry… (It has been composed by an outsider Chancellor to be used by X, as the first incrimination letter was full of holes. Of course the revised incrimination letter addressed to the defendant (Fr Kiem) never reached its destination)
A letter from X to Fr Kiem, dated Feb 9, “I don’t have any details from Chancellor Z about the allegation.”(first scruple?”
In a letter from X to an official of the Diocese I have chosen as residence, ” I did not feel comfortable putting the words suspension and removal of faculties in the “original” letter to Fr Kiem I only inserted at the insistance of the Archdiocese. who communicated to me trough (a lady)” (Apparently more scruples)
Another e-mail dated Feb 10, from X to Z “It is disturbing to me that all these actions have been taken against a priest who had served for 63 years and is now 88 years old. Information need to be forthcoming.”
Several calls for testimonials from the parishioners of the Parish I once served. All in my favor.
E-mail dated March 12 from Z to X, “”Are things proceeding reasonably well at your end? Answer from from X to Z, “We cannot suspend a priest based on a general statemen without more details. The name of the accuser is confusing. It is disturbing to me that all these actions …(repetition of a sentence plugged from the Feb 10 e-mail)
Feb 23, First and long phone contact between X and accuser.” Accuser has not much to say .”
A letter from Bishop to his Chancellor dated July 13, referring to a letter I had sent to him previously, “It amazes me how someone like Fr Kiem whom I understand has limited ability speak English can write such a thing…The best response is…a lawyer for him …
From a long interview between X and the accuser in the city where lives the accuser X finally learned the date of molestation, still vague, “At the accuser’s first Communion.”
Well, the parish’s records are there, reported to X from the secretary as earlier as Feb 3, “The accuser received his First Communion on May 11, 1984 during the time ..(a new priest)served , as Father Kiem had moved away months earlier…
Good evening Father
I forgot to mention that under the circumstances, I think your compassion for the priest who wrote you a single line, after all this time, when you as a brother priest had reached out to him is amazing. You are worth so much more than a one line note. I will pray for the priest because goodness knows he needs all the prayers on offer.
with love and blessings
your English friend
Jan
Dear Fr. MacRae,
Surely this is another lash of the whip. Satan wants all our priests, doesn’t he?
I continue to pray for you and for all priests. They are representing Christ here on earth at the altars of each and every Mass. The battle is relentless and we have to persevere. I just keep hearing Christ’s words “Father forgive them. They know not what they do”.
Your suffering is very real and when one of your own throws a stone, it must be unbelievably painful. I know from my own humanity that when one is hurting in some way, he wants to lash out and hurt another. Prayer, sacraments, penance are the things that help us through the love of Christ to endure. This is the only way I know of to change.
May the Holy Spirit come upon you Father, and upon all priests everywhere in this Year of the Priest. May He show us all light and peace, and forgiveness and charity.
God bless you Father. You are a light.
Oh, Father- what a heartbreaking post- I am so sorry. I don’t understand any of it…
I thought it was bad enough that my 85 year old mother is never visited by the priest who lives three blocks away because she is a widow… supposedly, there would be some kind of impropriety that might happen. The last time she saw him was the day of my father’s burial.
But to see how your brother priests react to you, not even worthy enough as a human being, let alone a fellow priest… I wonder if there are enough prayers out there.
I offered up all the graces from my Holy Communion on Sunday for you, Father. And like Jan, I will continue to pray for you- and for justice.
Good evening Father (well it is here its 9pm) I found the post!
happy to know you think of me as a nice lady 
It always amazes me how people are so quick to judge others, without substantial fact. I was brought up in a Christian Family. non Catholic, and I do not pretend to understand catholism, but I would hope that we are all singing the gospel from the same hymn sheet and not cast judgement /or stones on another with or without facts.
I am horrified to know people chanted ‘kill the priest’ The media has a lot to answer for. I was not however amazed at the lack of support from your fellow priests (This worries me) that I expected it. How can a priest be truely serving God if he has no compassion for his fellow man. I did mean Father where you mistreated by the prisioners and Guards. I never stopped to consider you would be treated in anyway with regard or compassion from your fellow priests. Again a sad fact of not only prisoners ‘casting stones’
praying for you daily Father
with love
Jan