This is on a bookmark I keep in my breviary. No, the question isn’t from Oprah or Dr. Phil. It was asked by Our Lady of Fatima on June 13, 1917:
“Are you suffering a great deal? Don’t lose heart. I will never forsake you. My Immaculate Heart will be your refuge, and the way that will lead you to God.”
There is immense power in that promise, and for someone who has lost everything, it is like a lifeboat at sea. There is sometimes nothing else to cling to. Even when I feel that my faith dangles from a thread – which is often, in prison – I cling to that promise.
I don’t know where the bookmark came from. Like most of the things I cling to for spiritual support, it just sort of showed up one day. I like to think it was handed down to me – in the way important things are handed down by brothers – by Maximilian Kolbe whose reverence for the Immaculate Heart of Mary guided him through life, and death, at Auschwitz.
Even when my faith is so diminished and darkened by the prison around me that I believe in little, I believe that promise. Sometimes I can only believe that Maximilian believed – with the very fabric of his life.
It’s often hard to pray in prison. It’s not just the noise, the harshness, the lack of privacy, the relentless obstacles. It’s just hard to raise my mind and heart beyond these stone walls at times. In that, at least, I am not alone.
Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan wrote that there were long periods during his years in prison when he was unable to pray. I guess any Catholic who ever looks inward has a dark night of the soul. If not, why would the Blessed Mother ever ask such a question in her appearance at Fatima? It’s not the usual question a mother would ask when she comes a long way for a brief visit.
Are you suffering a great deal? When Saint Maximilian’s life was finally snuffed out after days of starvation chained to the corpses of those who could not endure, he was heard gasping a hymn of praise. I wish I had his heart! I don’t, but I wish I did. I have to learn how to suffer, and I am a slow learner.
In his Encyclical on Christian Hope, our Holy Father Pope Benedict wrote the most masterful prose on suffering that I have ever read. I cling to it like I do my bookmark with Our Lady of Fatima’s Promise:
“Christ descended into ‘Hell,’ and is therefore close to those cast into it, transforming their darkness into light. Suffering and torment is still terrible and well-nigh unbearable. Yet the star of hope has risen – the anchor of the heart reaches the very throne of God. Instead of evil being unleashed within man, the light shines victorious: suffering – without ceasing to be suffering – becomes, despite everything, a hymn of praise.” (Spe Salvi, pp 37)
Brilliant! Simply brilliant! There’s something hopeful in that, and I should listen.
The sculpture of Our Lady comforting Maximilian in his cell was created by Timothy Schmalz . He named it “Martyr of Charity – St. Maximilian Kolbe”
Please leave your comments below in the comments area.
Editor’s Note: Several of you have expressed a desire to join Fr. MacRae in a Spiritual Communion. He celebrates a private Mass in his prison cell on Sunday evenings between 11 pm and midnight. You’re invited to join in a Holy Hour during that time if you’re able.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Dear Father
As an MS sufferer and having times in my life when I truely thought God has it in for me. I can understand your faith feeling tested at times. I decided as a non catholic, perhaps conversion to the ‘other side’ but decided instead to skip church for a while being frustrated with my own lot. I decided I will go my own way , I don’t need God in my life. eventually after a few weeks of self pity I saw the light.
God has sent me these trials and tribulations to make me a better women and make me help others and build an inner strength in me that i never had before. sometimes we do not know why things happen to us but i believe that God has a plan for each and everyone of us. It is easy to say we believe in God what is not so easy is to understand or accept his plans for us. I pray for you daily father. please be strong you are not alone.
with love and blessings
Jan
Father, I have just found your blog. I have started to pray the Rosary this year for Priests. I asked Our Lady to show me who she wants me to especially pray for.
I hear from your words that you find it difficult sometimes to enter into quiet prayer. I will offer part of my daily prayers as your gift to God, as I do have quiet times. Therefore please be assured that each day, a prayer is said to God, in faith, with your spirit’s desire, but with someone else’s words and mouth. We are all part of the same body, and this seems a tangible way to express that truth.
I believe in you Father, and Our Lady is certainly keeping you in mind. She brought you to mine, from many thousands of miles away. Her promise is true, she has not forsaken you. Never,ever give up. I will pray for your faith to grow from a thin thread to a strong rope that securely attaches and unites you to the prayers of the Communion of Saints.
Ros in the UK
I pray for you Fr. MacRae. I appreciate your writing about your suffering.
I cannot imagine your suffering. I feel the injustice of it all. I know how desperately we need good priests like you. I have hope for you though.
Many people have been where you are, and of course, many have been unjustly sent there too. I have a relative who suffers with cancer in prison now. I don’t know whether or not he is really innocent, but I love him just the same. He was always so kind to me, and now I can only pray for him and send him a card or have Masses said for him. I know he has hope and a great deal of faith. God has been so good even in this dire situation. I have to trust in this goodness and that there will be triumph in the end no matter how dark things are now.
I guess nothing happens that God does not allow and He makes goodness and beauty out of all the muck in this world. Looking at Christ on the cross reminds us of that.
Father, I watch my husband suffer from MS as he looses more and more of his abilities to do the smallest of things. He might moan loudly but he accepts his cross and does not complain. I do complain, because it is so painful for me to watch. I guess I look to Our Blessed Mother a lot because she had to watch her Son suffer so much and then die. I go to Her in prayer and the Rosary gives me some peace.
I hope more and more people will read your words and respond in hope and support.
God bless you.
Mary Elizabeth
Katy, TX