My first real experience of suffering for the sake of truth and justice came as I awaited trial in 1994.
After I refused several offers of a “plea deal” to serve only one to three years in prison (I was eventually sentenced to more than 20 times that for refusing the “deal”) my lawyer had to prepare for a trial. The trial-by-media was already in full swing.
At some point, the lawyer asked if I would be willing to undergo a series of polygraph examinations arranged with an expert who conducted the tests for state and federal law enforcement agencies. My lawyer said he wasn’t suggesting this because he did not believe me – he said he did, and I believed HIM! – but because he felt a positive outcome may put us in the position of asking for similar polygraph testing of the accusers.
I agreed to the tests, though the idea was very intimidating. I had seen “lie detector” tests only on television police shows, and they were a scary ordeal. When I reflect back on the scene now, I can’t help but wonder if the Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI would include this as an example of suffering for the sake of the truth.
There I was, a 41 –year-old Catholic priest strapped to a chair in a dank office surrounded by electronic equipment with sensors on my fingers, and probes monitoring my heart rate, respiration and blood pressure while a poker-faced examiner asked me graphic questions about sex. When it was over, he told me we would be repeating the test with “re-phrased” questions in a week’s time, and then again a week after that. “Don’t even think about it,” I was told.
I left having no sense of the outcome, and I felt dismal. It was only after the second round of tests that I learned that the third examination was canceled. The results, the examiner said, were “conclusive” on both tests. I paid $3,000 to learn what I already knew. I was telling the truth and was about to suffer for it greatly.
In the end, however, no one else would ever hear these results. Prosecutors – and even officials of my diocese – declined to review the test results, and the contingency lawyers for my accusers would not let their clients anywhere near a polygraph machine.
At trial, the jury never even heard that I submitted to these tests. Some in the news media learned of it, but carefully avoided any reference to polygraph tests. I have often wondered, had the outcome been different and I “failed” the polygraph exams, if those results would have been shouted from the rooftops by the news media. We’ll never know.
One legal observer, in writing of the scandal of sex abuse claims against priests, suggested that the passage of time and the financial motives of so many claimants leaves us no longer able to distinguish between victims and perpetrators. There’s a measure of truth in that.
You may wish to read Truth in Justice by Ryan MacDonald regarding my case.
Please share your comments in the comments area below.
Editor’s Note: Several of you have expressed a desire to join Fr. MacRae in a Spiritual Communion. He celebrates a private Mass in his prison cell on Sunday evenings between 11 pm and midnight. You’re invited to join in a Holy Hour during that time if you’re able.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
i thought that the american legal system was foolproof perhaps i am dreaming
Hello, again, Fr. Gordon…
Since I am relatively new to “These Stone Walls, I am trying to learn more about You by going back to Your archives and reading how unjustly You’ve been treated. Your story is heart-rending, to say the very least. There is such a deep sense of helplessness in wanting to find justice for You and not being able to do a thing..(barring prayer and Masses prayed for You).
I have been sitting in front of the Most Blessed Sacrament, this morning, while pondering Your story, Father, and realizing how our Lord is glorified in Your story. In You, I can see the whole suffering of the Majesties of Heaven, during the cruel and unfair torture and murder of God’s Own Son. How this ripped at their hearts.
From our Father’s point of view, how Your own family must be suffering the torture of their loved one having to go thru such horrendous accusations and imprisonment. I see our Father, and, our Holy Mama, Whose heart strings are stretched beyond human lengths, helplessly watching this innocent Soul being abandoned by his friends and tormented by His enemies. The horror of it all!
And then, adding to Your very own suffering, with all that You have had to go thru in false charges and slander..knowing that Your family is suffering with and for You. What end is there for relief? On every side…Your enemies are encamped around You.
As I’ve shared earlier, in private email, I ‘ve experienced the ‘evil’ of our court systems. I honestly don’t understand when Americans say: “Our justice system may not be perfect, but it works”!! Where/when does it work? Especially in today’s current system, it seems to me that the innocent have NO rights…the criminals do! We are NOT innocent until proven guilty..but just the opposite. What else are we to say?.. but,
“COME, LORD JESUS”!
I am earnestly praying for You, Father Gordon…Your fair release from Your Calvary. I admit, there is an amazment, on my part, at how, in this very short span of time, the Lord has captured my heart in empathy for Your plight. I am touched by Your story..and grateful to our God for bringing this scenerio into my prayer life. Some how, or another, sharing our trials, in His love, knit us together as One Body… We are whole in Him.
Please know that You are continually in my mind, heart and prayers. May our Loving God continue to be glorified to, thru and in You… Rest in His love, Father Gordon. May we keep on keeping on!!
Compassionately,
Helen
Most Loving Jesus, for the sake of Your Most Sorrowful Passion, I come asking that You hide Fr. Gordon in the deepest recesses of Your Most Sacred Heart, hiding him from the enemies of his soul, filling him with continued strength and wisdom and may he come to experience victory in You, on earth as well as in Your Kingdom… Thank You for him”.
“The angel of the Lord shall encamp round about them that fear him: and shall deliver them. …. and delivereth them; out of the hands of all their enemies. …”
We were in seminary together, though you were 2 years ahead of me. I am so sorry to learn of your situation. Be assured of my prayers. Please pray for me also, as I am probably not going to be a priest for much longer.
Dear Father MacRae,
This is the Year of the Priest. This is your time, to tell the world your story, of your innocence. I think people of faith, and those who do not believe, will come across your website and read about you and things will happen. The Holy Spirit is alive and we can be sure that nothing happens without His notice.
Your suffering is real. Christ understands, as He too, was unjustly accused and imprisoned. I think of Him as I read your words. You, as a priest, are called to suffer and lay down your life for the flock, just as Our Lord did. No one can know how he will suffer, but we have to realize that we all must pick up our cross each and every day.
I pray that you will be exhonerated. We need you Father. Your witness in prison is very valuable. Your suffering will not be wasted. But in the end, you will triumph, just as Jesus did at the Resurrection. In His suffering, in His pain, He was so powerful.
God bless you as you live out your day in faith and hope. I don’t know how to work in the legal system, but many others do, and someone capable will help you. May the angels minister to you and may the Virgin Mother hold you in her arms as she does each one who suffers.
You remain in my prayers.
What a horrible thing to go through. I have a degree in Criminal Justice and focused on law enforcement, and can tell you that in my state, polygraph tests are NOT admissible in court. They can’t bring them up at all. I’m not sure if that’s the case in all states. They’re just supposed to be an investigative tool. And all they did was use it to ignore truth in your case.
As you observe, if you had failed, this would have been ALL OVER the media. It would have been everywhere. And the opposing attorney would have managed to get a jab in about it in court just to influence the jury. (And they would subsequently have been told to ignore that information but would they be able to? no)
There’s corruption all over your case.
Father, I was recently on a 10 day discernment retreat and thought of you many times in prayer. Prayers continuing to come your way!
I am at a loss for words Dear Father. My heart hurts for your unjust suffering and accusations.
For a reason that GOD only understands he allowed this to happen to you, but HE never left your side, be assured. These
times in history are so fearful in that so much persecution is occuring of religious peoples in this the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I believe, maybe to make myself feel better, that this has been designed by God in ways unknown to us to test our love of GOD and OUR FAITH….then again I wonder is satan doing this great evil to destroy our church??? I know different of course, HE CANNOT NOR EVER WILL, but he sure is trying.
Be aware that YOU and all priests in crisis and not are in my prayers.
May God Bless You and Mary Keep You.
Father,
I had a friend who spent a good many years in prison for crimes he did commit. My visits with him gave me a small inclination into how awful it is. I can’t begin to imagine being there as an innocent man. Thank you for sharing your story.
My prayers are with you.
I have a relative in Law and this incident tells me you did not have a very good lawyer Father!
You must have found the journey you have been on bewildering at times!